A Woman

One of the things I am guilty of is always being on the look out for potential male companions. There are far worse things one could be guilty of, but when you phrase my behavior as my fabulous gay best friend does, “trolling for cock” it doesn’t much sound like the behavior that good Southern girls should have. A significant portion of this semester was spent “trolling” to no avail. In reflecting on this semester I had to get very real with myself. There had been one night this semester when out of the blue a wise beyond his years freshman had come up to me at a house party and said, “you know, I think when you stop looking so hard, you’ll start finding the things that you want.” Well he was right. Sitting at home post exams thinking about the previous months I set a goal for myself, lots of goals actually- but one was this: Stop looking. When your constantly looking for positive attention from others, your clearly not comfortable in your ability to attract people with out trying. And i think that is how true and genuine attractions happened, when neither person brings any agenda or anything into an interaction. Thus my quest to stop looking at men as potential boyfriends/husbands and looking at them as people who may or may not bring what I am looking for to the table.  Now let’s fast forward to the funny part of the story. I’ll spare you all the details but this is what you need to know- my best friend from home and his girlfriend both go to the same school about 2 hours away from our home land. She has an apartment there. They along with my best friends 2 roommates were staying there after a basketball game. On a whim, I joined my female best friend on a spontaneous road trip to see them…party a bit…and spend the night. In trying to decide what to wear, I remembered my earlier revelation. So I opted to dress down, even throwing a bow in my hair (sidenote: some of my best guy friends in high school threw away most of my bows because they said that no guys would be attracted to me if I looked like I was four.) I knew my best friends roommates would be there, and I knew they were attractive and successful, but I activity decided that this would not be a night of “trolling”. Instead, I was 100% Me. And guess what happened? I later found myself in the midst of my first ever make out sesh, initiated by my best friends most attractive room mate. For once I didn’t try to actively impress a guy I was attracted to and BOOM. Success. And yes, my bow remained in my hair.


A Woman

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