Today I had plans to meet someone for lunch at my favorite restaurant. So the combination of one of my closest friends and lunch was something to look forward to. About 10 minutes before we were going to meet up, she cancelled on me. Which considering I had made other plans around it was super frustrating. But what I found even more frustrating was that I couldn’t call her out on it. I know what she did was wrong. You should keep the plans you make. But why couldn’t I tell her that I had made my day around the lunch plans. Why couldn’t I say that I was annoyed. Now obviously, this is not the biggest problem in my life. And even the fact that I am writing about this means I have it pretty good, but this is a bigger issue than cancelled lunch plans.
You could say my life is too rigid that I couldn’t accommodate a cancelled lunch, but that’s not the heart of the issue. I made it work and went about the rest of my day, but it continued to eat away at me. I pride myself on being a nice person, friendly to everyone. So why is it so hard for me to stand up for myself? It is not mean to say something. Possibly it is a little harsh, but honest. So why couldn’t I say it? I even typed out the text message, but couldn’t press send. And then the whole time I sat eating lunch alone I thought about it and my apparent deep-rooted fear of confrontation.
Afraid of Confrontation