Tag Archives: woman

A Mother

I always knew I would have a daughter.  I planned our long walks on the beach and our talks about being a girl and about developing into a woman.  I anticipated battling the “princess” culture.  I delighted in little girl sundresses and sandals.  Well – guess what?  We looked at the ultrasound in anticipation and my little girl wasn’t a girl, but a boy.  “What will I do with a boy?” I said to anybody who would listen.  “I don’t know boys.  I know girls.  Do I even like little boys?” I panicked.

I believe that there is a higher power somewhere and she chuckled at me those days, knowing the path ahead of me.  I gave birth to that little boy and 11 years later, he is one of my best friends and greatest teachers.  He has taught me so much about not only the unfairness of how the world treats little girls, but also the pressures and weird gender messages given to our young men.  My son and I have a game we play together in the car sometimes.  I will say, “Little girls like pink ponies and babies and kittens.”   My son will say, “Little boys like guns and war and dead puppies.”  It cracks us both up because as much as I hate Barbies, he hates guns even more.  It is all so ridiculous.

I found out this summer that the little boy I thought I was adopting this spring is actually a little girl.  And guess what I thought – as God chuckled?  “What will I do with a girl?”

I can’t wait to meet her and see what lessons she will teach.

Wonderfully,

A Mother

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Satisfied

At lunch with my grandma today, the conversation inevitably turned to asking me about my boyfriend, or lack of. I love my grandma, and every other relative who also asks about my relationship status. I understand that they mean well. But just once I would like them to ask about my friends or my success in my job. I am successful on my terms, which right now does not include a boyfriend. My grandma doesn’t understand the casual dating or enjoying my 20s and 30s. All things that I value. I don’t hold it against my friends who got married right after college. I simply want to be able to live my life differently. So someday, I will invite my grandma to my wedding. But tonight I go out to a bar with my girlfriends.

Wonderfully,

Satisfied

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A Friend

So the first college party of the year, and for me first ever, rolled around and in typical college style, girls and guys come together drinking cheap beer, and at this particular party in ridiculous Texas attire. And although not unexpectedly from my TV watching, the flirting and invitations back to a dorm room came about. I was turned off by horrible pick-up lines and intrigued by older boys. But at the end of the night I ended up in a hammock with two other girls, discussing the night and our lives.

Those two girls haven’t become my best friends and the party scene hasn’t changed terribly. Some nights I get intriguing invitations from boys I am interested in, other times I runaway from creepy ones, but I have realized that most of my best nights end similarly to my first college party. Lying somewhere tired, sometimes still drunk talking to my best girl friends.

Wonderfully,

A Friend

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A Woman

One of the things I am guilty of is always being on the look out for potential male companions. There are far worse things one could be guilty of, but when you phrase my behavior as my fabulous gay best friend does, “trolling for cock” it doesn’t much sound like the behavior that good Southern girls should have. A significant portion of this semester was spent “trolling” to no avail. In reflecting on this semester I had to get very real with myself. There had been one night this semester when out of the blue a wise beyond his years freshman had come up to me at a house party and said, “you know, I think when you stop looking so hard, you’ll start finding the things that you want.” Well he was right. Sitting at home post exams thinking about the previous months I set a goal for myself, lots of goals actually- but one was this: Stop looking. When your constantly looking for positive attention from others, your clearly not comfortable in your ability to attract people with out trying. And i think that is how true and genuine attractions happened, when neither person brings any agenda or anything into an interaction. Thus my quest to stop looking at men as potential boyfriends/husbands and looking at them as people who may or may not bring what I am looking for to the table.  Now let’s fast forward to the funny part of the story. I’ll spare you all the details but this is what you need to know- my best friend from home and his girlfriend both go to the same school about 2 hours away from our home land. She has an apartment there. They along with my best friends 2 roommates were staying there after a basketball game. On a whim, I joined my female best friend on a spontaneous road trip to see them…party a bit…and spend the night. In trying to decide what to wear, I remembered my earlier revelation. So I opted to dress down, even throwing a bow in my hair (sidenote: some of my best guy friends in high school threw away most of my bows because they said that no guys would be attracted to me if I looked like I was four.) I knew my best friends roommates would be there, and I knew they were attractive and successful, but I activity decided that this would not be a night of “trolling”. Instead, I was 100% Me. And guess what happened? I later found myself in the midst of my first ever make out sesh, initiated by my best friends most attractive room mate. For once I didn’t try to actively impress a guy I was attracted to and BOOM. Success. And yes, my bow remained in my hair.

Wonderfully,

A Woman

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A Woman

“I can see myself marrying you someday.” That is what my high school boyfriend said to me my sophomore year. It is what I wanted to hear, right? We had been in a committed, serious, christian relationship and I had never wanted anything casual. This should be the pinnacle. I was in love, right? The only natural step is to tell someone that you can see yourself marrying them. But why, days later, did I feel confused and uneasy?

Years later and a couple boyfriends too, I am finally starting to see. Starting to see that not every woman’s story has to be the same. All I had ever known was serious high school relationships, marriage, and motherhood. They were the stepping stones laid in front of me. Through various relationships and experiences, I began to venture out. Past the stepping stones into the various valleys and hills that led me somewhere else. A somewhere else whose destination I am still unsure of. But a path that offers more greenery for me.

I had lived in a world that for some is extremely fulfilling but for me, it was claustrophobic. I’ve always been a dreamer, and while motherhood and marriage may very well be in the cards for me, I wanted to venture out further. It has led towards passions I never knew I had and discoveries of happiness I never thought I’d experience.

One of the most critical changes in my life has been my point of view–something that I’m sure has come with age but also with a more open mind. I began to realize how I valued the patriarchy in my life and encouraged it. I then realized how it was hindering my own growth as a woman. I realized that having children was something I felt I had to do in order to be a true woman and then I realized that wasn’t true for me at all. I realized that my story had not already been written for me—that I get to pick up the pen every single day, even if at times, I don’t control the page turning.

Ultimately. I am learning everyday that every woman has her own story to write. The stories are not meant to be the same. They are meant to be written, first and foremost.

Wonderfully,

A Woman

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